How to be a wine snob

Do you feel the need to:

-- Impress people with your knowledge?

-- Spend a lot of money?

-- Be serious about getting drunk?

If you do then you are a candidate for becoming a wine snob!

Following is a short list of things you should know. Read it, study it, and practice it.   Many are lifestyle changes so this will take some work.

Warning: Don't practice on people you want to impress in case of a faux pas. Instead practice on family or other people that don't matter, maybe in-laws. Don't currently have any in-laws? Ex-in-laws are even better!

1. Where to get drunk

After work instead of stopping at the local watering hole for a cold one go into a trendy wine bar for a glass of Chardonnay (if you're female) or Pinot Noir (unisex).  If you are a conservation gay I'd suggest a Spanish wine--a trendy gay then Pinot Grigio. See yourself as a masculine man's man? Then Cabernet only. No blends, no %#&king Merlot!

2. How to get drunk

You can't just pour a glass and guzzle it down like a beer! You've got to smell it. (Do you have a cold? Drink scotch instead). You have to swish it around in your mouth because the mouth has different areas for acid, bitter, sweet, and some other stuff I can't remember. So apparently it's important to know all this before swallowing. 
Actually, wine is the only beverage where you spend a ton of money for it then spit it out! You may want to invest in a spittoon.

Luckily, after everybody has had a couple glasses and eases up you can guzzle all you want.

3. When you get hungry while getting drunk

Food pairing with wine is a difficult science and art. Few people understand it well.  But once you're a wine snob whatever you say amongst your friends and guests will be right! Isn't this getting easier?

4. Disneyland for adults

You must visit Napa Valley. It's like Mecca for intoxicated snobs. When you go don't visit the hundreds of wineries open to the public where you'll find all sorts of riffraff (even Canadians)! The only wineries worth visiting are those that require an appointment at THEIR convenience. You know, folks who believe they make God's gift to wine.

5. Glassware

There are dozens of varieties of wines: Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Cabernet, Pinot Noir, etc. (These four are the best ones). You need a different kind of glass for each. Don't be caught drinking Zinfandel from a Sauvignon Blanc glass. Jeezuss. If you're going to be that pitiful you may as well use a Mason jar like the Italians. What do they know? They've only been drinking wine for a couple thousand years.

6. Impressive wines

• Note that the best ones have labels in unpronounceable French or German. Others may have artwork for a label. The label is most important.
• Look for high alcohol levels--more bang for your buck.
• Screw caps?  Ugh. Screw caps = Gallo = drunken bums on the sidewalk.
• Any wine worth touching your lips should have gotten at least 93 points from Robert Parker.   Don't know who Robert Parker is?  Doesn't matter, just be sure he gave the wine a good score.

7. Getting blotto'ed while eating out

When ordering wine at a restaurant:

• The wine should be from Burgundy, Bordeaux or Napa.
• It should be from the top 15% most expensive wines on the list.
• Don't order a screw cap wine! It'll just lead to jokes about the screwing fee.
• When the waiter brings the bottle and shows you the label just nod approvingly even though you can't read it from six feet away in bad light.
• Once he removes the cork he'll set it in front of you sometimes partially wrapped in the foil from the bottle (meaning he really knows what he's doing).    Pick up the cork and smell it. The end with the wine stain on it, that is. It'll smell like vinegar, but that's OK. (The other end actually smells better). Look at the waiter and smile showing that you know what you are doing.
• He'll pour just a bit in your glass. This is for your approval. Note that you are NEVER supposed to disapprove and say you don't want it.
• Still, you must pick up the glass looking at the edges of the wine against the glass in the dark restaurant. Then swirl the wine vigorously to wash off any soap left inside from their glass washer.
• Take a little sip, swish it around in your mouth and, this is important, with your teeth clenched draw air into your mouth so you can hear the wine gurgle.   If you're still up to it you can now swallow the wine and nod again to the waiter so he can pour some for everyone else.
• A good waiter will come around a second time and pour the remaining wine in about half the available glasses. Someone will be left short so you'll want to order another bottle.

8. Impressive words

Key phrases worth memorizing:

• "Oh boy, another over-malo'ed Chardonnay."
• "Lots of terroir in this. You can really taste the dirt."
• "I'm picking up a little sulfur/Mercaptans/Brett." (Your choice). 
• "My friend Cal, the Sommelier (pronounced kinda like "smellier"), doesn't care for California Syrah."

9. Cults

In the wine world cults are actually good. In fact you should be on a few cult mailing lists. Better yet seek out the "pre-cults" to get a leg up on the less trendy. How do you recognize a cult wine? In California it will be a very small, very expensive Napa operation. The wines are not necessarily great. They are made to impress without having to actually drink the stuff. 
Look for cult winemakers. These folks are rock stars and you can be their groupie!
To help you understand how cults work check out the web page for Screaming Eagle Winery where you're made to feel small for even thinking about visiting to buy a $350 bottle.

10. Getting drunk at home

Your wine collection (remember, this is a hobby--it's going to cost you) should only contain wines that meet certain criteria:

• You must have wine stored at home in a "cellar." The temperature in your "cellar" MUST be 55 degrees. No other temperature will work!  A cellar is required because the best wines require at least 20 years of ageing before they are drinkable.
• Each wine should get 90-some points from someone who knows what they're talking about because they know what you should like.
• Most wines should be either from obscure and expensive French wine houses or California wines that sell only by mailing lists. Don't bother with stuff you can find in a local store.
• Nothing imported or from Napa should be less than $75 a bottle. Note that there are some areas of California where you can't find a wine costing $75 so it's best to limit yourself to Napa Valley.
• You can, of course, have a couple bottles of crap laying around for guests who show up knowing you're a wine snob, but don't actually know anything about wine themselves, such as your in-laws.

(And if you already see yourself in some of this don't get too excited. It's all in fun. I see myself too. How do you think I know about this stuff?)


This post originally published 2/26/2010

Wine judging and buying gold medal winners

First, I have never been a wine judge. I have taken a wine judging class at the local college, talked to judges, attended or worked at wine events that are judged. So I'm not an insider, but then I don't have anything to defend either.

Looking at a wine's medals is one way to decide to buy, but what does a medal actually mean?

First, a winery has to actually enter their wine in a judging. Sometimes the wine is picked by the event rather than the winery volunteering the wines, but most likely it's the winery deciding what wines to enter in what events. So a wine may get entered into lots of events, a few, or none. A wine that's available only at the winery and not sold retail or a wine that easily sells out every year is unlikely to be entered as the purpose of the judgings is to win medals and sell wine!

If you have the time and desire there are some things to investigate about individual medals giving at a competition.

1. How many wines were entered and how many received medals. If 80% of the wines got something then what's the point? Actually, the point is marketing. A winery is more likely to enter if they are likely to get a medal.

2. How many gold vs. silver vs. bronze medals were given out? If there were 20 wines in a particular category, 18 got medals, and 12 of those were gold then what's the point? However, if there were 200 wines in a category and two got gold then that could mean something.

How do judges do it? They taste a lot of wine over a few days. Palate fatigue is an issue. Sometime a wine may just stand out (not necessarily in a good way). Even the order the wines are tasted makes a difference. The first and the last wines get noticed. If there's a particularly "strong" or nasty wine whatever unfortunate wine to follow it may be in trouble.

One interesting thing coming out of the wine judging class I took was you got "attaboys" for agreeing with the majority of the other folks and your judgement was suspect if you picked wines others didn't. So to be a good judge your opinion has to go along with the majority. I guess that makes sense. Maybe.

So should you care about medal-winning wines? Sure, it's a place to start. I would look for wineries winning in different competitions over multiple years. Of course, that's if you want to do the research on this. Why do this? Because a wine can easily get a gold in one competition and fail to get a medal of any kind in the next.


Use medals won as one data point to help you choose a wine.

Like you probably have done I sometimes pick a wine on a retailer's shelf because there's a little card under it saying "Orange County Gold Medal Winner!"


This post originally published 12/22/2009

Alcohol levels in wine

From the label of a 1988 Dry Creek Vyds Zinfandel.
Note the alcohol level.

Out to dinner last night at a popular restaurant in Healdsburg. A nice, local wine list, but a $20 corkage fee--a little high.

They offered one Zinfandel by the glass and I figured that would go well with the Pork Chili Verde with Polenta.

By now I should know to check the alcohol level of any Zinfandel I'm not familiar with before purchasing. This was not the kind of wine to have with a meal unless you like having shot of tequila with your food. The overriding characteristics of the wine was alcohol in the nose and taste. I thought the waitress may have noticed I left my wine glass full when she handed us the check, but she didn't say anything so I didn't either.

I've been to a wine bar in Santa Rosa a couple of times trying their Zinfandel flights of three small producers--always wines I've never had before. It's great to try new stuff, but I've found most of what they pour unpleasant because of the high alcohol levels. There was one Zin from Alexander Valley that I couldn't even drink.

Why do the winemakers / marketers feel we need alcohol levels of 15.5% plus? I can't figure this trend. I've had a few of these high alcohol monsters that have enough fruit to mask the alcohol, at least while the wines are young, but these are few and far between, and usually very expensive. A few of these wines can be outstanding but the majority are stinkers.

I think/hope most consumers are looking for fruit, spices and other complexities in their wines and a balanced product that you can enjoy by itself or with a meal. That shouldn't be too much to ask.

It's not just Zinfandel; I've had a few hot Pinot Noirs, too. Pinot should never push 15%. It's no longer Pinot when it does. Heck, even microbreweries are putting out beers typically 7 to 8% and are now pushing over 10%!

I've talked with Europeans and others who drink European wines and when they sample California, especially zinfandel, they call it "strong" meaning they are tasting alcohol.

In the vineyards we go through trellising trends. You can pretty much tell when a vineyard was planted by the trellising system used. Currently we seem to be using a Burgundy style, I guess it is, where the fruit is fully exposed to sunlight. That's great for even ripening, it's great for cloudy areas, I'm not sure why we need to cook 'em on the vine here in sunny California. I realize the old head pruned Zinfandels must be a royal pain as Zin is notorious for uneven ripening (and sometimes pruney tasting wines). OK, I'm no vineyard manager so maybe someone can explain this to me.

If I want a glass of alcohol I'll buy Patron Tequila. If I want a dinner wine I'm expecting the alcohol to be buried under the other characteristics of the product.

I do love my Zinfandel and Pinots. Just keep them under control!

The post originally published 4/30/2009

Blending wines. Meritage, etc.

Europe's mostly archaic wine laws remove a lot of the creativity and potential for their wines. In the U.S. we do a bit of this, too. One key problem (it's not just legal, it's marketing too) is to call a wine a Cabernet, for instance, means 75% of the juice in the bottle must be Cab. 

I'm not saying this is a bad law, but it seems to be stifling blends in this country. In general, I love blends. They are so much more interesting. After many, many years of CA Cabernet I'm bored. Give me some Merlot, some Malbec, hell even some Cabernet Franc in there! Cab and Syrah seem to be made for each other.

And not just with Cabernet. How about Zinfandel with Barbera and/or Sangiovese? I've had some odd-ball blends. How about Pinot and Syrah or Barbera and Pinot?

There's the guy that makes a 50/50 Zinfandel and Barbera blend he calls Zinberra because he said, "Barfandel didn't sell." 

Rhone blends... yum! These are starting to show up more in the Sierra foothills wineries (Amador, El Dorado) and they are good. Easy to drink and interesting at the same time--a combination that can be hard to find.

There was a plan to help the popularity of blends in the U.S. Twenty years ago a group came up with "Meritage" for blends because otherwise you are stuck with White or Red Table Wine which means cheap in the U.S. Meritage sounds expensive. It also didn't take off. First, a lot of people can't pronounce it (rhymes with heritage). Second, the group charges to use "their" name, Meritage. So lots of wineries make up their own names to signify a blend. Third, it sets rules around Bordeaux-style blends only (it's limiting).

There's actually a White Meritage, also, made up of Sauvignon Blanc, Semillon and some other obscure grape. If you've never had a Sauv Blanc/Semillon blend give it a try (if you can ever find one). They're not as austere as typical Sauv Blancs.


This post originally published 2/12/2009

December 27th. Third Anniversary

That's three years of doing this blog.  What the hell was I thinking?   LOL

I was sure I'd run out of things to write about after a few months. Personally, I've probably learned more things in the three years than I had in the previous three decades of being an avid consumer and working on-and-off in the winery hospitality biz. Somehow I've even managed over 250 posts in those three years.

I've discovered new wines and wineries as most consumers have, but also become aware of so many wine trends. Whether it's in varieties (such as Pinot Gris) or in marketing to the younger crowd with sweeter wines.

In the coming days I'll re-post a few of my favorite blog entries from the past. Consider this the holiday reruns!

Merry Christmas from the Wine Country

Happy Holidays from California wine country!

Image from guardian.co.uk

Foppiano Family Feud

Several months ago Sonoma County's second oldest family winery, Seghesio, sold. While the sale was big news the family infighting that went on over the sale remained mostly private.  No so with Sonoma County's oldest family winery. The Foppiano family feud is going to court.

Foppiano Winery was founded in 1896 by Giovanni Foppiano. His son, Louis J. Foppiano, is 101 years old now. He passed control to his son, Louis M., several years ago. The wine style has pretty much been "stuck in the '70s" so the younger Louis M. (64 years old actually) started to modernize just as the economy went south. They got into debt, his sister accused her brother of skimming money for himself, the sister got fired. Nice. Wouldn't you have loved to have been at their Thanksgiving family dinner table this year?

Louis Jr.
being sued by his sis

Now a county judge will hear the case and decide how to divide things or more likely the brother, Louis M., may have to buy his sister out.  That may be what she wants.  Nothing like a business to turn families against each other. This won't be as important to the California wine industry as the Peter and Robert Mondavi breakup in the 1960s, but it could be the end of another long-time family winery.

The trial should be wrapped up before the end of the year.

Press Democrat article

Update 12/24/11:
The feuding Foppiano factions have agreed on hiring someone to oversee the family trust, that is to control the money. We'll see where this leaves the winery in the coming years.

Wines that appeal to the ladies

How can you tell if a wine label is supposed to appeal to younger females?  Apparently, look for "bitch" in the name.

Image from examiner.com

 

     

Image from winamwines.com

Be careful about giving this to her ...

Top 100 from Wine Enthusiast Magazine

Everyone does the "top" lists when it gets near the end of the year. I mentioned Wine Spectator's list a few days ago. Wine Enthusiast takes a different tact in that they call it "special occasion wines they wish they could drink more often." It's not even their top-scoring wines exactly. They look at rating, price, drinkability (is that like Bud Lite?) and availability.

Joseph Swan's Trenton Est.vineyard
Image from swanwinery.com

Anyway, coming in at #2 and 97 points is the 2007 Joseph Swan Russian River Valley Pinot Noir from the Trenton Estate Vineyard at $52.  Joseph Swan was making Russian River Pinots since long before they became fashionable. I don't know where you can still find this wine, but their more readily available and less expensive Cvuée de Trois is one of the better deals in Pinot. Their wines are in what you'd call the classic style. They are structured, complex, and ageable. If you like 'em fruity and soft these wines aren't for you.

Some of the other familiar local names on the list are Shafer, Stonestreet, Roederer, Navarro, Fort Ross, Dry Creek Vyd, Merry Edwards, Gloria Ferrer, Marimar, and Franciscan.

Check out the results at winemag.com including their list of Top 100 Best Buys.

Buying wine as a holiday gift

What should you buy? Specifically, I can't say as the choices are way too varied and what's available to you is different than what I can find. But I can give some general guidelines.

Price
How much do you want to spend is the obvious first question. Some gift-givers mistakenly believe you have to spend a lot on a bottle to get something good.  Finding a very nice wine to give to a wine geek for under $50 is easy. For the occasional drinker finding something under $20 isn't too difficult. Even for the snobbier wine folks you can still find a nice enough wine in the under $20 range as it's the thought that counts, right?

What kind of wine
White, red or pink? Dry or sweet? Start there. If you don't know then think about when they are likely to drink wine. Sipping on a glass on a summer day? White. They eat a lot of seafood? White. Beef eaters? Red. Some of the wine geeky types might only drink red, some folks prefer white, some even say reds give them headaches. If they stick to Chardonnay and Merlot do you feel comfortable branching out to something like Pinot Gris or Zinfandel? Or maybe a sparkling wine they could use for the holidays.

Go to a good wine shop
Yes, you may pay more than the bargain store but you need knowledgeable assistance. Give the sales clerk in the store all the information you can about what you know of the person's wine drinking habits. Let them make at least two or three suggestions then you choose from there.

Etched bottles
are more expensive
but are made for
gift-giving
Image from goosecross.com

If all else fails
And you know nothing of their drinking habits and don't have a good wine store available what do you do? Buy 'em socks! Just kidding. Stick with a lighter white, such as an off-dry Riesling, Gewurztraminer or maybe a Viogner, or a softer red, such as a Pinot Noir or Merlot. Without trying to sound age or sex discriminatory think of who you are giving the wine to because a 21 year old female, your grandmother, and a 50 year old male are all likely to have different tastes in wine. Go to the store and write down what's available in your price range then come home and do some Internet searching on these wines and see what others think of them.

Happy Holidays!

Top 100 Wines

It's just one more opinion on some of the great wines out there, but in Wine Spectator's list of their top 100 Kosta Browne's 2009 Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir ($52) came in at #1.  Quite an accomplishment and congratulations!  Fifth on the list was Dehlinger's 2008 Russian River Pinot Noir ($50).

Both are highly respected Pinot producers. Dan Kosta and Michael Browne are a bit newer on the scene as they've been around just ten years or so. Tom Dehlinger has been at it for a few decades. Most of Dehlinger's wines are sold via a mailing list.  If Tom was able to do this in 2008, what's generally considered a difficult year, then his '09 could be spectacular as that year is producing some great Pinots.

One of the "secrets" behind Dehlinger's long-time success
is the vineyard manager, Marty.
Image from dehlingerwinery.com

Also high on the list at #12 is Seghesio 2009 Alexander Valley Home Ranch Zinfandel ($38), at #19 Carlisle 2008 Russian River Papera Ranch Zinfandel ($43), and at #28 Merry Edwards 2009 Russian River Sauvignon Blanc ($30) that's usually considered one of the best Sauv Blancs every year.

Over in neighboring Napa Valley the Hall 2008 Napa Valley Kathryn Hall Cabernet Sauvignon ($90) is in second place.

The best bargains on the list? A $15 French Beaujolais at #21 and a $15 Spanish Tempranillo at #23. There's no bargain California wine on the list until you get to Buehler's 2009 Napa Valley Zinfandel ($18) at #68.  Buehler is little-known, but makes solid wines at almost unheard of low prices for Napa.

Top 100

Sonoma County. One of the world's top travel destinations

"If you’ve visited only the county’s wineries, come back to sample the astounding diversity that makes Sonoma one of America’s travel treasures."

So says National Geographic's Traveler magazine in their Best of the World 2012 article.  Okay, it's a bit of an eclectic list. The only other American location is Pittsburgh, PA. Nothing against Pittsburgh but I'm not sure what it has in common with Sonoma.

Still, it's something the locals know and many are quite happy our neighbors in Napa get most of the publicity and traffic.

It's not everywhere you get views like this ...

or can see and touch 1,500 year old living things like this ...

or get to taste world-class wines while enjoying a world-class view ...

Great wines, restaurants, brewpubs, weather, roads, views, etc. is what Sonoma County is all about.

But we don't want things to get too crowded so let's keep it our secret.   :)

You've never tasted wine

You've only smelled it (mostly).

Foods and drinks are tasted only at a very basic level as your taste buds only understand sweet, salty, sour, and acidic.

Your olfactory senses, however, are very sophisticated and have a great memory.  You sense of smell will combine things into new smells and try to relate them to something in your past. Of all your senses smell is the one with the best memory. You can remember smells from your childhood better than visuals, sounds or touch.

Your sense of smell will block out things after a certain length of time so you can smell new things. This is a sort of ancient defense mechanism so you won't be continually overwhelmed by one smell and can pick up other things. You may have noticed this when, for instance, you're using a strong smelling cleaner or paint. After awhile you don't notice the smell so much.

The same wine can seem quite different to two people as their interpretation from the nose, mouth, and brain will not be the same.  But it's primarily what you get via your sense of smell that determines if you like of dislike what's in your mouth.  When you're sipping wine or eating food it's the smells that get up into your nose while you're swallowing, swishing, or chewing that give you the flavors along with the very basic items your taste buds pick up.

I've seen different reactions to a wine such as Sauvignon Blanc known for it's higher acidity. Some say it's refreshing, some tart, some even say it tastes sour.  There's no right or wrong answer--it's however you interpret the flavors.

And the fact that your sense of smell will block out things after a time means a wine won't smell the same after a time of sampling it with your nose. That doesn't mean the wine has changed--it's just what your brain is now sensing.

Now go out there and find some good smelling wine! 

Siduri / Novy open house

Dec 3, 2011 open house at Siduri Winery in Santa Rosa. It's a chance to try most of the wines they make--and they make a lot! I counted eleven Pinots, seven Syrahs, plus a few other miscellaneous wines. I tasted all of the available Pinot Noirs and a few of the Syrahs.  I ranked the Pinots from favorite to least.  On about my second Syrah I got "over-tannined" and wasn't able to judge them very well.

Really in the holiday spirit!

Siduri Pinots from my favorite to least:

2010 Garys' Vyd (Santa Lucia) $50
Great fruit, spices, finish. Almost perfect balance. Excellent now; this should be a great wine in time.

2009 Clos Pepe Vyd (Sta. Rita Hills) $54
Good fruits, not overdone, spicy, lots going on/complex. Needs time.

2009 Cargasacchi Vyd (Sta. Rita Hills) $50
Earthy, tobacco, less fruit compared to many CA Pinots. Dark cherries, tart. Needs time.

2009 Sonatera Vyd (Sonoma Coast) $49
Nice complexity and spices. Bit earthy with black fruit. A very good wine.

2009 Santa Rita Hills (two vyd blend) $30
Body, spices and acid all nicely balanced. Dark fruit. Great value.

2009 Ewald Vyd (RRV) $45
Softer, rich, lower acid but still enough backbone.

2010 Sierra Mar Vyd (Santa Lucia) $49
Good fruit but just not ready yet. Would like to try this again in a couple years.

2009 Arbre Vert Vyd (Willamette Vly) $39
Medium body, black fruit, lots of acid.

2009 Chehalem Mts. (Oregon) $25
Some sweet red fruit, lots of acid. Lacks body and complexity. Young vines?

Most of these seemed really young yet and I would love to try a number of them a few months from now.

Novy Syrahs:

As I said I didn't rank these because of being hit by big tannins mostly from the 2009 Gary's Vyd ($29).  But I did like the 2009 Susan's Hill Vyd best ($34).  The 2008 Simpson Vyd at $25 was a good deal.

I purchased the Garys' Vyd and Sta. Rita Hills Pinots plus the Simpson Syrah.

December in Russian River Valley (photos)

December 1, 2011
Click on photos to enlarge