Wine-Buying Segments

People like to pigeon-hole things to make sense of the world. A wine marketing analysis outfit, Wine Intelligence, has divided the U.S. wine consumers into six groups called general consumer compartments. I know you are as excited as I was to find your group and see what the people trying to sell wine think of you. Yes, these are the actual names they gave to the segments and I assume they did this with a straight face.

I have added my own analysis of each group to put things in plain English for you.

Engaged Explorers
They're young, they buy a lot, they buy different wines from different parts of the world.
They have no clue WTF they want and instead of paying off their student loan they buy alcohol.

Premium Brand Suburbans
Middle-aged, stuck on certain varieties (hello Chardonnay) and brands (hey, Rombauer). They don't spend as much per bottle as the Engaged Explorers.
Old, white farts (they are called suburbans) stuck in a rut. For Christ's sake, a bottle of Sangiovese won't kill you.

Contented Treaters
Middle-aged again, but they've got the bucks to spend on wine and they love learning about wine.
Wine geeks, usually dentists, who buy that $150 Napa Cabernet.

Social Newbies
The youngest, newest drinkers who don't know much about wine so they get advice and recommendations.
Naive kids who trust other to know what they will like. Dumb asses.

Senior Bargain Hunters
They know a lot about wine, but don't buy much, and shop for deals.
These Walmart shoppers are of little interest to the wine market as they'll be dead soon anyway.

Kitchen Casuals
Another group of old farts like the Senior Bargain Hunters. They don't drink much wine either, they drink at home, and tend to stick to trusted wines and wineries.
At least they're not trying to talk the poor clerk into selling them that bottle of Williams Selyem Pinot Noir for ten bucks "because there's dust all over the bottle."

Yes, there are people at this Wine Intelligence company that got paid money to come up with these customer segments. Sorry, I mean general consumer compartments.