Norton Safeweb

Monday, January 24, 2011

Bad Wine Names

For some reasons that escape me (I don't have a marketing degree) these names will either never work in the retail marketplace or were made up specifically to draw attention in the market (maybe because the product can't on its own).

A winemaker in the Sierra foothills was pouring a Barbera and Zinfandel blend for me.   It was called Zinberra.  I told him I liked the unique name (and the wine).  With a straight face he said he first tried calling it Barfindel, but it wasn't selling.

Barefoot Wines
A fairly popular, inexpensive wine that doesn't appeal because I don't like the idea of a bare foot in my juice.  Unless it belongs to Jessica Alba maybe.

Big Ass Wine
They got in a legal tussle with the guy making Big Ass beer.  How about a red Meritage called Big Booty Bordeaux Blend?

Pompous Ass Winery
Not to be outdone by the Big Ass folks.  Don't miss their annual Kiss My Ass party.

Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush
Finally, an appropriate name for a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.

Goats do Roam
You see this one on store shelves a lot and it must piss off some snooty Frenchies.

Over-priced Crappa Napa
There are so many wines vying for this name ...

Screw Kappa Napa
This one is real.   Napa juice in a screw top bottle made by a guy from Sonoma.

A white wine blend from Australia with a picture of a foot on the label.  Nothing about this wine makes me want to try it.

Que Syrah
There are many people using this name for wine shops, wine bars, and there's even a vineyard in Sonoma County.  It's such a catchy song, I guess.

Zaccagnini Il Vino Dal Tralcetto Montepulciano d'Abruzzo
How the hell do you pronounce that?

Scheurebe Auslese Ruppertsberger Reiterpfad
I think I ruptured something in my throat trying to say this.

(anybody's)  Petite Sirah
People get confused with they see little in the name.  There is nothing little about a Petite Sirah.   How about calling it Like Sucking on Dirty Sweatsocks Sirah?