|The typical wine snob|
Your monthly wine purchases equal your rent. (You can't quite save up enough money for a down payment on your own home).
On your weekly trip to the local wine retailer you notice he's posted the wrong score for a particular wine.
While visiting Omaha on business you are aghast at the choices offered by the hotel bar and vow to never do business in Omaha again.
You have a "Turley for President" or "Turley is an Idiot" t-shirt.
You spend 30 minutes telling your friends about the Turley / Parker connection until they glaze over and finally run away.
You tell your friends to drink dry rosés during the summer even though you won't.
You complain about spending $75 to put 20 gallons of gas in your SUV, but will gladly spend that much for 750 ml of Napa Cabernet.
You can't believe Obama poured that Sauvignon Blanc at a White House dinner.
You've walked into a roadside diner in central Ohio (or Wyoming or Mississippi) and asked to see the wine list. When given a blank stare you say, "Okay, what do you have in a Santa Rita Hills Pinot?"
You drink wine at baseball and football games.
You own more corkscrews than you do shoes.
You've paid more for a corkscrew than you did for any of your shoes.
When friends invite you to their wedding you ask what the wine choices will be so you know whether or not to bring your own.
When out to dinner you order a bottle of wine before looking at the wine list then pick the meal to go with it.
You are about to order a glass of wine at a small Italian restaurant until you find out they serve it in a tumbler not a wine glass.
You have your own set of Riedel stemware (one for Bordeaux, one for Burgundy, one for Zinfandel, etc.) and don't think it's weird bringing your set of wine glasses out to dinner.
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handey, American humorist