Norton Safeweb

Friday, July 31, 2015

Friday Wine Funnies

Time to yuck it up!


Instead of a FitBit fitness tracker I want something that tells me how many glasses of wine I've earned.

I opened a bottle of wine before dinner to let it breathe. It didn't appear to be breathing properly so I gave it mouth-to-mouth.

When you get stuck on a personal or work issue just remember there's no problem too big that four glasses of wine can't solve.

I enjoy a glass of wine every night for the health benefits. The other four glasses are to make me more intelligent, sexy and a great dancer.

Thank God for coffee. It gives me something to do until a socially acceptable time when I can switch to wine.

Was the wheel the greatest invention of mankind? No, it has to be wine. I mean, which would you rather have with pizza?  --Dave Berry

Wine is like beer except different. -- George W. Bush.

If you are the kind of person who sees the glass as half empty or half full then you're not  understanding the real problem because there's obviously room for more wine.

A balanced diet equals a glass of Chardonnay in one hand and a glass of Cabernet in the other.

Planning for your future is boring if all you do is start a 401k. Smart people plan by buying a case of Cabernet to lay down.

You say alcoholic, I say wine enthusiast.

A dyslexic guy walks into a wine bra.