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Friday, October 14, 2016

The Five Stages of Wine Grief

Wine has a life span that is sometimes tragically cut short. Wine changes during its life going from youthful and exuberant to old and crotchety.

Normal people can become wine geeks, and believe me, their relationship with wine will never work out as hoped.

This all leads to the five stages of wine grief.

DENIAL

No, this expensive wine I bought ten years ago and lovingly cared for over those years has not turned to crap. It smells like a middle school locker room and tastes like Velveeta that's been left in the sun too long. It can't be that bad. Decant it and wait until tomorrow and see what happens. Drink it anyway telling yourself, "If I'd opened this ten months ago I bet it would have been great."
Reality: Drink it too early, not too late!

ANGER

I've been buying this small-producer Cab for several years when nobody had heard of them. Now they've increased the price 50%. After all the love I've given them when they were nobody?
Reality: You're their customer, not their best friend

BARGAINING

Just let me get on your mailing list. All my wine friends are getting your over-priced Pinot and won't share. I promise to buy a case every quarter and if that's not enough just tell me. I'll do anything.
Reality: It's only wine, not social status.

DEPRESSION

Realizing that you will never be able to afford the highly-ranked Burgundies again so you turn to Oregon Pinot Noir. Tragedy in the wine cellar.
Reality: Nor will you be able to afford that Ferrari, but you'll get along just fine.

ACCEPTANCE

You start buying daily drinkers produced in (gasp) Lodi. What the hell!
Reality: We all have a budget