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Friday, September 18, 2015

How to tell that your wine habit might be out of control

You like fine wine. You love wine, actually. You might obsess over wine. Are you a wine snob? Do you have a wine problem? Here's how to tell.

  • You get fidgety and break out in hives when it looks like the people you're dining with may actually order the wine themselves.
  • Rent, groceries, kids’ college funds – just annoying expenditures that mean your wine collection is not all it could be.
  • You now feel pangs of guilt about spending too little on wine.
  • When you visit vineyards you taste the dirt before you taste the wine.
  • You swirl everything. Wine, orange juice, tea, oatmeal, kitty litter.
  • You’ll argue over exactly which type of plum was expressed in the wine.
  • You order wine from restaurants days in advance with specific instruction about exactly when to open it and how to decant it. You drop off your own decanter for their use.
  • You sulk for days if someone serves you a great wine in the wrong type of stemware.
  • Anything below 94 points isn’t good enough.
  • When you drink a 98 point wine rather than enjoying the moment you spend all your time trying to figure out exactly how it's two points shy of perfection.
  • You've spit wine into the kitchen sink out of habit. You may have spit wine on the kitchen floor forgetting where you are.
  • After dinner, you have no idea what anyone else thought of the wine, but everyone else knows exactly what you thought.
  • Your vacations are always to the best wine-producing regions. Hawaii? Caribbean? What kind of wines come from there?
  • You've returned wine given to you because it didn't respect your standards. An explanatory note accompanied the returned wine.
  • If someone talks about a bad year they had your thoughts turn to the climate and yields from that year.
  • You buy food to pair with the wines you've picked out for the coming week.