How to pick a wine

You're cruising a wine shop looking for a bottle for tonight. How the hell do you choose from the hundreds available?

First step in elimination--the wine is no good if:

Should be easy to tell which is better
One has an etched label, a wax seal, 
and is from Napa!

• It's on the bottom shelf
• It costs less than $12
• It has a screw cap

On closer inspection--the wine is no good if:

• It's a cheap-looking, smooth paper label 
• It's from a region you can't pronounce
• It's from somewhere that you know can't make wine (Idaho, Ohio, etc.)
• There's dust on the bottle meaning no one else wants it either 
• The bottom of the bottle is flat and doesn't have a punt (if it's in a box there is no punt so these are automatically knocked out of contention)

So now that we've eliminated over half the wines what should we look for?

• If the bottle is standing in the window in full daylight the store is trying to make it easy for you to find the best
• Stick to Bordeaux and Napa and you can't go wrong
• Look for a classy label -- something silk screened or etched instead of paper
• Find something with over 14% alcohol to get your money's worth
• Check the store's wine review cuz you know they'll be honest

Happy wine shopping   :)