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Friday, November 13, 2015

How Your Family Drives You to Drink More Wine

Following are some of the many reasons your relatives force you to drink wine even though you wanted to take the night off with a nice cup of tea. Really, it's not your fault.

So here it goes, the top ten reasons your family is driving you to drink wine. And I'll even tell you how much wine each irritation is worth!

  1. Your ex just called to say they need a loan to fund their invention of a smart phone cover that has a built-in cup holder. One glass of wine better be enough to allow you to say no.
  2. Your mother-in-law just emailed to say since she's coming all that way to visit she may as well stay for a month. Or two. Two glasses of wine now. Tomorrow go to the wine shop because you're going to need a case.
  3. Your grandmother just asked you to teach her how to use her new iPhone. One glass now; three more while you're doing everything for her.
  4. Your son just asked for help with his Algebra II homework. Wait until you're thoroughly embarrassed then pop a bottle and drink until the little brat goes to bed.
  5. All of your aunts and uncles suddenly decided you are hosting the holiday dinner this year. Drink up because they're going to go through everything you have left.
  6. There's another PTA meeting tonight and they go so much better after a couple glasses of wine. A couple glasses? Who are we kidding?
  7. You asked your daughter to unload the dishwasher so she is now crying, stomping her feet, screaming, sulking, and possibly having a seizure. You'll want two glasses a night until she reaches 18, leaves the house, or gets pregnant; whichever comes first.
  8. Your son and his best friend are having a farting contest on your bed. The kids are out of control. You can either discipline them or just have a couple glasses of Chardonnay. Yeah, I know which one you're picking.
  9. Your spouse just clipped their toe nails in bed. No sex tonight. Might as well get up and finish that bottle of Champagne left in the fridge.
  10. That bartender just smiled at your Significant Other. Are you supposed to be happy that others think they are hot or should you worry? I don't know either so just order another glass of Pinot. It looks like they're flirting? Switch to tequila.