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Friday, March 4, 2016

Mistakes You Shouldn't Make After That Fourth Glass of Wine

When you've had too much and are feeling good it's easy to fall into certain traps. Maybe you should stop while you're ahead. Hopefully you've figured out you shouldn't be driving.

The weekend is coming and you want to let loose, but ...

Avoid these pitfalls!

  • Don't feel like you have to finish off that half empty bottle--especially if you have to be at work in five hours. No, it might not be good tomorrow, but I can guarantee you won't.
  • Resist the urge to text people. Don't text your ex, of course, but you shouldn't text your boss either. For God's sake don't text your mother! The only text should be to ask for a ride home (no, don't text your ex for this--you know better).
  • Don't log on to any airline sites or Amazon. Shopping while drunk is a bad idea. For God's sake stay off Tinder.
  • Be careful if you call to order food. For instance, you may find you've called the Chinese restaurant and tried to order a pizza. It's best to keep bags of junk food around for these emergencies. Something from the freezer for the microwave is probably okay, too, as long as you don't enter 23:00 minutes when you meant 2:30. Best food after a few glasses of wine? Probably an In-N-Out burger--except they don't deliver--and neither does Taco Bell. They invented Hot Pockets for nights like these.
  • Don't take pictures when drunk. This might seen okay until you find them on Instagram the next day. Or worse, your mom calls because she found a pic on Facebook of you and three friends in the bathtub.
  • Don't pick a fight with a sober person. Or a drunk person if someone is filming.
  • Don't make new friends in a public restroom. Especially valid for women who end up in the men's room somehow.
  • Don't get nostalgic for the old days if you're under 25. You'll just piss off everyone. Starting with me.
  • Don't join a poker game with sober people. If you wake up later outdoors, broke and shirtless you'll know what happened. If your underwear is missing, well, this could be trouble.