Wine Troubleshooting Guide

Here's a handy chart to use when you have a problem drinking (that's different than a drinking problem).

Symptom	Problem
Feet are wet	You're not holding the glass upright
Wine is tasteless, has no body	Glass is empty
The wall has fluorescent lights	You have fallen on your back
Your nose hurts, your lip is bleeding	You've fallen on your face
Floor is moving	You are being carried out
Everything is soft, cool, and green	You almost made it home. You're lying on someone's lawn
Room is dark and silent	Bar has closed
Your hand is red and warm	You broke your wine glass in your hand
Everyone is looking up at you and smiling	You are dancing on the table
Everyone is looking down at you and smiling	You are lying on the floor naked
The wine is clear and tasteless	OMG. You're drinking water!
Your singing voice isn't very good	You haven't had enough to drink
You don't remember the words, but your voice is great	You've had just enough to drink