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Friday, June 19, 2015

Wine Troubleshooting Guide

Here's a handy chart to use when you have a problem drinking (that's different than a drinking problem).

Symptom Problem
Feet are wet You're not holding the glass upright
Wine is tasteless, has no body Glass is empty
The wall has fluorescent lights You have fallen on your back
Your nose hurts, your lip is bleeding You've fallen on your face
Floor is moving You are being carried out
Everything is soft, cool, and green You almost made it home. You're lying on someone's lawn
Room is dark and silent Bar has closed
Your hand is red and warm You broke your wine glass in your hand
Everyone is looking up at you and smiling You are dancing on the table
Everyone is looking down at you and smiling You are lying on the floor naked
The wine is clear and tasteless OMG. You're drinking water!
Your singing voice isn't very good You haven't had enough to drink
You don't remember the words, but your voice is great You've had just enough to drink