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Friday, December 11, 2015

Using Wine to Find Friendship Matches

What someone is drinking tells you a lot about what type of person they are. Looking for friendship (or more)? You don't need Match.com. You can still do it live and in person! This handy guide will help you in social settings. Also, keep this in mind if you're on a first date so you don't make a bad impression!

Big, heavy Cabernet Sauvignon
If it ain't tannic it ain't real wine. This mantra is mostly sung by masculine, but old guys. You know -- over 40. They may own a classic car and have a record collection.

She's drinking Cabernet. What does this mean?
Big, heavy Syrah
Moved on from the tannic Cabs and believe they are superior to "those people." Shops Whole Foods and watches the Food Network. Clothes may smell like cigarette smoke.

Sweet Pink
This is okay if it's a 20-something female. If they are middle-aged then perhaps they haven't quite grown up. At any rate this is how you can easily spot someone who isn't financially independent. They have made bad decisions on Tinder.

Buttery Chardonnay
This is a cult wine from the 1990s. Shops at Ross Stores. Loves Paula Deen. Find out if they're fans of Backstreet Boys or Soundgarden. Spends a lot of time getting kids to soccer practice.

Sauvignon Blanc
The drink of the alpha female. If you like being the submissive to women in high heels this might be the one.

Pinot Noir
These folks read novels (in paperback)! Okay, that's not so bad, but they might cry while reading and are generally over-sensitive. Listens to soundtracks in dark rooms. Such a romantic!

Only Drinks White (or Red) Wine
They like partisan politics and knows what color their state is. Tend to stick to their own wine tribe. They'll say they don't have any prejudices, but are just more comfortable around like-minded people.

It no longer matters what she's drinking
Merlot
It's for the healthy heart. Yeah, just like Pilates, Yoga, GF, and all those other trends they go through. These folks may have low stress levels, but also low-paying jobs. Women may be drama queens. Guys may think they're God's gift to those drama queens.

Oddball Wines Like Roussanne or Sangiovese
They've traveled abroad and prefer Europe to home. They eat snails, calves livers, and octopus. They drive a VW and spend money on expensive Italian shoes. Don't bother trying to be their friend unless you speak a foreign language (no, Spanish doesn't count).

Only Drink 10+ Year Old Reds
Fans of aged Bordeaux blends and Cabernets are dressed to the tee, have expensive hair cuts and drive a Porsche or Mercedes. These are type-A competitive and impatient people. They may be cigar smokers (yes, even the women).

Young, Tannic, Petite Sirah or Zinfandel
Manly men. Be sure they're not wearing a wife-beater t-shirt. If it's a woman drinking a two year old Petite Sirah be careful as this is probably what Ronda Rousey drinks.

Pinot Grigio
These are people who just like to drink and don't care for flavor (this is the Bud Lite of wine). These folks aren't very particular about anything--people, clothing, or jobs. Female Pinot Grigio drinkers are often looking for a man to take care of them. Male Pinot Grigio drinkers may be gay--or are at least interested in giving it a go.

Moscato
A one-night stand. 
image from rvanews.com